when you feel that I never think about our future

I always thought of it every time we went to bed

did we end up good or bad

was it something worth the wait

how to build the trust in the shortest time

could our bond last longer? or was it just a momentary phase like a stockholm syndrome? 

could you bear with our differences

(ignore the time zone because we still shared smiles until the end of 2021)

I would do it all if we fight together, but would you?

I really wanted to talk all of these but I was afraid to bring false hopes. I hated to talk, I wanted to act. so, I needed to find other ways how to not hurt everyone that I loved. maybe I think too much.

but what I knew, from the very start we met, you were the one. I tried my best to spill out and be honest with you, but I felt you hid something, unopened

which made me think twice to step in

it hit me hard when you said what if you wanted to change your faith, I had to say no but my heart said yes. should I take it back now? was that game over to me? I tried to find ways

I do not know if this game was over to me or just an intermezzo.

maybe you and I need a time to reflect each day

“when you close your eyes, who do you see?”

and by far it has always been you for the past 6 months

I hope I gave you the shortest and best times

I myself would say that we had the best

but please forgive me for the angers that I created were only to barricade my strong feelings for you

I always imagine how we spent days like we did

I always wanted to hold hands longer and show the world I have you

I always wanted to wear proper long sleeve with you on some proper dates

and how much I wanted to randomly walk you after office hours

you made my days faster, and that was always a good signal to me, I enjoyed every minute with you

would it be a waste if I lose all of these? perhaps yes.

but how could we manage the shortest time we had

that was the hardest moment, it connects me to my karma

for things I did in the past, which comes to me now

now I can only count my days for the next two years 

that would be the longest suffering in my life

will the sparks still be there? or maybe you have lit another sparks?

maybe this is the price I have to pay

sometimes we have to lose things to know how much we love them

you had lost me and I have lost you now

I really want to fast forward these to 2023

whether I can see you again somewhere to live side by side out there, to chase you again, or

sitting on my couch and write things

about decisions, about friendships, about suffering, about knowledge, about things we love, about you